Becoming the Hero, Written Series My biological, “earthly” father left my life when I was two and hasn’t contributed much fatherly impact since. That was roughly forty years ago. It is what it is. At the time they felt bad for me and replaced my earthly father with a Heavenly Father. They told me he loved me unconditionally. He would never leave my side or turn his back on me. I have an earthly brother but I got a heavenly Brother out of the deal as well. If I ever felt lonel

I got a son and I want him to grow up in a world that looks very different than it looks today. ~ Justin Baldoni As a mother of boys that will become men I seek out positive, healthy, human, vulnerable role models for my sons. I am inspired by many men in my life who are doing the heavy work of facing and moving through trauma and unhealthy behavioral and thinking patterns, and also men I see out in the world actively engaged in creating healthier futures for all of us. If we

"When you have more than you need, build a longer table, not a higher fence." ~ Anonymous Of all the hymns this is the one that shaped my life the most. I didn't grow up with much but even then I knew that what I had I needed to share. Even if all I had was love, compassion, and kindness I would give it freely. The more life has given me, the more drive I have to give. As I see people suffering around me I do not understand the desire to hoard resources. I do not understand t

The attached article came across my feed today and it was the validation I needed in the midst of life's chaos. I have three sons and my goal as their mom has been to raise three self sufficient, loving, and kind men. Men who recognize and rebuff toxic behavior and thought patterns within themselves and the world around them. Being a parent is difficult. Reminders that we are on the right path are priceless. I let my love for my children guide today's images and self care. Ho

My partner held me last night as PTSD racked my body. I awoke in the middle of the night sobbing. There were no thoughts. No remembered nightmares. Just sobbing. Sobbing and fear, loneliness, rejection, pain. While they held me they whispered, "It's okay. You are safe." As I held back the screams that attempted to escape my body for fear of waking and scaring my children I thought, "I am not okay. This is not okay. I am never safe." All the while knowing they were right. I wa

I fell into a perfectionism hole again which means I allowed shame to fill my thoughts until I froze. I'm glad I'm recognizing this quicker and am building up my shame resilience (Brené Brown). I'm not making excuses for myself, I am simply recognizing patterns, and November and December are HUGE trigger points for me. If I could, I would skip them altogether. I cannot so I'm working on extra self care and healthy coping skills like making these inspirational memes. I use pho

Becoming the Hero, Written Series So, yesterday was huge. Not alternative fact, yuge. Life altering huge. I mulled over my words and actions for about a week and acted on them yesterday. That means that during that period I was living in constant vulnerability. I had to get to the place that I could act with love and kindness which means I was raw and exposed. I am learning to be shame resilient. (Brené Brown) Between the necessity to get tremendously vulnerable and some inte

Not in a predator eats prey kind of way. "Nants ingonyama bagithi baba..." (The Lion King) No. The process of learning, which for me, is life. These are "sketches" done several years ago as I was attempting to portray how I envisioned my healing and growth after decades of stagnation. They were done on separate sheets of canvas and are meant to be connected to form a loop. The dragon's quest for knowledge breathing fire into the heart; whose blazing love causes the phoenix to

Becoming the Hero, Written Series I've been thinking about this almost non stop for the last year or so when fiancé and I got together. As a survivor of DV I had my walls up high and they were fortified beyond belief. Looking around I see this happen to a lot of us. Domestic Violence (abuse) doesn't need to be involved for this to happen. One too many rejections or any variety of toxic relationship will do it. This isn't a gendered issue either. I've spoken with many friends,

Becoming the Hero, Written Series I remember my doodles from childhood and wish beyond almost anything that I still had some of them. My art wasn't nurtured and I ended up ashamed of it. For several decades I longed to try again yet lacked the courage. Thankfully, that changed. While my visual art is where I am most raw, I cannot always live in that space. If you know me, you know I was also born with the gift of gab. I'm not shy with my opinions or ideas. My thirst for knowl

My friend says my paintings scare her. My response: "How do you think they make me feel? I live with this." *TRIGGER WARNING. Sexual Assault, Rape, Domestic Violence, PTSD. ** I've deleted and rewritten this post several times. In my head and physically. There really are no words to eloquently express how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking. A string of expletives, while closer, would still be lacking. Hence, the paintings. Even they aren't enough. I've seen many depictions of

We all have masculine and feminine in us. All of us. Some of us are more polarized than others. Most of us are more polarized than not. Those of us that are polarized still have the opposite aspects in us even if they don't rule us. Look at the fictional characters of Ron Swanson from the television show Parks and Rec, and Molly Weasley from the Harry Potter series. Ron is as far on the male polarity as a person can get. He still has love, caring and nurturing ways when it co

"If you have been brutally broken, but still have the courage to be gentle with others then you deserve a love deeper than the ocean itself." Nikita Gill I spent at least a solid year alone on the shore before even touching my toe to the water. Waded in but kept close enough to the shore that my feet still touched the ground and I could escape at a moment's notice. Playing in the waves and learning their ebb and flow. My head going under only when I chose for it to do so. Wat

Last year I made a vision wall. My head was swimming with so many goals and ideas that a board wouldn't hold it. So I filled a wall. I decided to add relationship goals. I didn't list any physical attributes of my future partner. No social standings, job, etc. I described how I wanted to feel in the relationship. Words like: safe, comfortable, free, stable, joy, passion, etc. Then out of the blue Bear showed up. We both knew something explosive was at hand but assumed it was