I fell into a perfectionism hole again which means I allowed shame to fill my thoughts until I froze. I'm glad I'm recognizing this quicker and am building up my shame resilience (Brené Brown). I'm not making excuses for myself, I am simply recognizing patterns, and November and December are HUGE trigger points for me. If I could, I would skip them altogether. I cannot so I'm working on extra self care and healthy coping skills like making these inspirational memes. I use pho

Becoming the Hero, Written Series So, yesterday was huge. Not alternative fact, yuge. Life altering huge. I mulled over my words and actions for about a week and acted on them yesterday. That means that during that period I was living in constant vulnerability. I had to get to the place that I could act with love and kindness which means I was raw and exposed. I am learning to be shame resilient. (Brené Brown) Between the necessity to get tremendously vulnerable and some inte

My friend says my paintings scare her. My response: "How do you think they make me feel? I live with this." *TRIGGER WARNING. Sexual Assault, Rape, Domestic Violence, PTSD. ** I've deleted and rewritten this post several times. In my head and physically. There really are no words to eloquently express how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking. A string of expletives, while closer, would still be lacking. Hence, the paintings. Even they aren't enough. I've seen many depictions of

There's a line from the movie Shrek that has stuck with me from my first viewing. Probably because everyone quoted it over and over. "Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers... You get it? We both have layers." I agree with Shrek's self observation, and Donkey's reaction: "You know, not everybody likes onions." While I have never enjoyed thinking of myself as an onion, that was an eye opener for me. Humans are not one dimensional. We have this weird desire to classify e

"If you have been brutally broken, but still have the courage to be gentle with others then you deserve a love deeper than the ocean itself." Nikita Gill I spent at least a solid year alone on the shore before even touching my toe to the water. Waded in but kept close enough to the shore that my feet still touched the ground and I could escape at a moment's notice. Playing in the waves and learning their ebb and flow. My head going under only when I chose for it to do so. Wat

"You need to grow thicker skin." Oh, the amount of times I've heard that. It's just about the most insensitive, yet necessary, advice out there. I don't take issue with the message, at least not the way I've come to incorporate it in my life. It's vital to survival in this world. The delivery is usually done harshly and without validating what the other person is going through emotionally. Asking someone to deny or hide what they are experiencing can be harmful and demoralizi