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Letting Go

Updated: Jun 3, 2020

Letting Go, by Alisa May. Acrylic on canvas. 24 x 36. Low res photo of painting with phone.

We all have masculine and feminine in us. All of us. Some of us are more polarized than others. Most of us are more polarized than not. Those of us that are polarized still have the opposite aspects in us even if they don't rule us. Look at the fictional characters of Ron Swanson from the television show Parks and Rec, and Molly Weasley from the Harry Potter series. Ron is as far on the male polarity as a person can get. He still has love, caring and nurturing ways when it comes to his friends and family. Molly Weasley could not be more nurturing. Her life revolves around her home and family. Put those things in danger and out comes a bad ass warrior. While Ron and Molly are caricatures, they represent what most of us view as the ultimate of masculine and feminine.

Then there are those of us who are more fluid. Neither fully masculine or feminine one hundred percent of the time. (I can only speak for myself and my own experiences. Other people come with their own unique experiences and feelings.) I find myself deeply entrenched sometimes in the masculine. I'm very happy and comfortable there. Other times I'm floating in a cloud of femininity. It's like home. When I am more polarized I am the most comfortable in my body and mind. It's when I am spinning in the middle that I am most unsettled.

Letting Go close up. Low res photo with phone.

It feels as if I am at war with myself. Not as if I'm two people. I am all one me. It's just that I reach so far to both ends of the spectrum, and both my masculine and feminine are deeply rooted and strong, that they both fight for dominance. I laugh as I type this because that doesn't describe it at all. The masculine in me fights for dominance while the feminine just wants to let go. As if my spirit wants to be free and flowing and my mind is grasping at wisps of clouds and trying to force it into a container and neatly label it and categorize it. It ends up being the storm of all storms in my body. A super hurricane, blizzard, volcano, tsunami, tossed around in a tornado. Things get intense up in here.

I just finished reading, "The Way of a Superior Man" by David Deida. He helped me understand that by trying to control my feminine, rather than supporting and loving my feminine, that I am making myself sick. When I am not polarized but living in the middle, my masculine tries to regain control. I've known this for a few years now. I can feel the unrest in my body. I now have a better understanding of why that fighting and unease occur.

As a visual thinker, I am allowing my feminine to expand. I am setting the lies free. My feminine is just as valuable as my masculine. My feminine is what brings light and laughter to my life. My feminine grows and cradles and nurtures my children. My feminine is where my heart lives. My heart that holds love and empathy for those around me. My feminine is where my art finds voice. My feminine is where my masculine finds beauty, peace and rest when my masculine lets go and lets her be.

*Low quality photos taken with my phone.

#selflove #selfportrait #genderfluid #fluid #transgender #acrylic #canvas #fineart #DavidDeida #SuperiorMan #masculine #feminine #polarized #dominance #beauty #rest #love #heroesandart #alisamay

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