• Alex Mae

Boys to Men

Updated: Jun 3


I got a son and I want him to grow up in a world that looks very different than it looks today.

~ Justin Baldoni

As a mother of boys that will become men I seek out positive, healthy, human, vulnerable role models for my sons. I am inspired by many men in my life who are doing the heavy work of facing and moving through trauma and unhealthy behavioral and thinking patterns, and also men I see out in the world actively engaged in creating healthier futures for all of us. If we want change; if we want to end cycles of violence so that we don't perpetuate new generations of trauma we must look at ourselves.

How do we personally change the culture that allows this to happen? What influence do we have? How do we wield that influence? In this episode of the Man Enough series the guests speak specifically to and about men and their ability to influence change. As so many are expressing, step one is to stop and listen rather than reacting and defending. (I could not find a transcript for this episode.) (Continued after video.)

During the discussions of violence and how to stop it I was awed by Tony Porter:

"We can love on each other and hold each other accountable at the same time...If we can create that kind of environment for that man there’s a good chance he may come back and bring a friend."

This is what I want for myself, my children, and my home. I want my home and our family to be a sanctuary from the unhealthy barrage of who we "have" to be and how we're "allowed" to feel. The "shoulds" and "have tos". Love and accountability. It's another concept I breathe deep into my body. Creating space to make mistakes and where we all hold ourselves accountable without shame. So far it's been a lovely and difficult learning experience.

The Man Enough site has resources including books. I would like to add two books to their list that help explain the hows and why's to recognize violence and its after effects:

Why Does He do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. By, Lundy Bancroft

(The author recognizes that not all abusers are men and that all victims are not women. Statistics show the vast majority are so for simplicity in writing the author uses “he” for the abuser and “she” for the victim.)

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. By, Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

Image description one: Photograph of a green, yellow, and orange palm frond against the blue sky faded in background. "Love and Accountability." Artist watermark: Heroes and Art.

Image description two: Photograph of a gentle wave receding from a white sand beach faded in background. "Breathe. Listen. Hear." Artist watermark: Heroes and Art.

#healing #violence #privilege #love #accountability #breathe #listen #hear #son #boy #men #mother #human #vulnerable #trauma #manenough #tonyporter #sanctuary #whydoeshedothat #lundybancroft #thebodykeepsthescore #besselvanderkolk